The Scriptural View of Courtesy
The Scriptures elevate the principle of courtesy as integral to the life of a believer. Jesus taught, “All things, therefore, that you want men to do to you, do also to them” (Matthew 7:12). This statement underscores the necessity of thoughtful behavior toward others. Such consideration extends beyond mere politeness; it reflects a foundational quality of Christian ethics. In his letter to the Corinthians, Paul said that love “does not behave indecently” (1 Corinthians 13:5). This admonition implies that genuine love influences one’s manner of speech and conduct.
Even the Hebrew Scriptures show that polite interaction was valued among God’s people. Abraham, though a man of great faith, displayed humility and respectful speech when dealing with strangers (Genesis 18:2-5). This spirit of graciousness, expressed through tone of voice and kind deeds, runs throughout biblical narratives. The consistent refrain is that a person’s manner of dealing with others serves as a witness to deeper godly qualities. Acts 9:36 mentions Tabitha, who was “abounding in good deeds.” Her reputation for kindness was tied to her willingness to help and comfort others. Good manners often accompany such loving action.
Proverbs 15:1 teaches that “a gentle answer turns away wrath.” Choosing gracious words instead of harsh or dismissive replies helps prevent needless friction. The principle is simple but profoundly wise. By employing courtesy, believers imitate the gentle disposition exemplified by God’s servants. Those who practice this biblical approach testify to the power of kindness as a way of defusing tense moments.
Reflecting Christian Character
Manners function as a reflection of one’s inner state. Colossians 3:12 encourages believers to clothe themselves “with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.” These traits, when put into action, naturally manifest as good manners. They frame how an individual addresses superiors, peers, and those in need. Rather than a superficial mask, manners become an outward evidence of an internal transformation molded by scriptural teaching.
Jesus’ interactions demonstrate how courtesy and genuine concern dovetail. He treated both social outcasts and those of status with kindness. In Mark 10:14 he rebuked his disciples for hindering children from approaching him, then welcomed the little ones warmly. That example challenges the notion that courtesy is reserved for particular occasions or certain individuals. True godly manners extend to everyone, regardless of age or social standing.
Some might assume that good manners are optional or merely cultural. However, Scripture views considerate behavior as part of a godly identity. Ephesians 4:29 admonishes Christians: “Let no unwholesome word come out of your mouth, but only what is good for building up.” This counsel addresses the content and the manner of speech. Even among family members or close friends, words spoken kindly reveal a spiritual maturity that nurtures unity and respect. Such dignity in daily communication fosters wholesome relationships, reflecting the kind of love commended in Romans 13:10, which states, “love does not harm a neighbor.”
The Influence of Courteous Speech
Manners matter because they safeguard both the speaker and the listener from unnecessary offense. James 3:9-10 reminds believers that the mouth can bless or curse, and it should not be that the same mouth yields bitter language after praising God. A person who chooses considerate words and a respectful tone reduces the likelihood of causing unintended hurt. Paul wrote in Colossians 4:6, “Let your speech always be gracious.” By upholding this principle, a Christian honors God’s counsel and displays self-control, recognizing that speech has enormous power to convey dignity or to inflict harm.
Proverbs 16:24 affirms that “pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.” While modern society often trivializes politeness, the Bible maintains that words, even small phrases of gratitude or empathy, can lighten someone’s emotional burdens. In this way, good manners are not just about superficial appearance but a means of bestowing genuine blessings upon others.
The Example of Jesus in Everyday Life
Jesus exemplified what it means to show genuine courtesy. Although he was the Son of God, he did not treat others with disdain or abruptness. He dined with individuals who were despised in his culture, including tax collectors (Mark 2:15-17). Rather than resorting to condescending speech, he spoke with compassion. When dealing with a Samaritan woman—someone from a group scorned by the Jewish community—he patiently conversed with her, eventually leading her to recognize spiritual truths (John 4:7-26). Through simple, respectful interaction, he showed that refined manners and empathy can break social barriers.
The pattern set by Jesus was no mere social convention. John 13:14 shows him washing the feet of his disciples, a service-oriented act that required humility. Though this event highlights modesty and the willingness to serve, it also demonstrates respectful care for the personal comfort of others. Manners become more than occasional gestures; they reflect the heart of a servant who prioritizes the well-being of friends and strangers alike.
Fostering Unity Within Congregations
Courteous behavior is vital for unity among believers. Philippians 2:4 urges Christians to keep an eye “not only on their own interests but also on the interests of others.” Such an exhortation extends to everyday interactions. In a congregation setting, small habits—like greeting newcomers kindly or refraining from interrupting another’s comments—can set a welcoming tone. This promotes the harmony that Jesus requested when he prayed for his followers “to be one” (John 17:21). Those who disregard polite manners, cutting others off or behaving rudely, risk undermining the unity the Scriptures uphold.
Paul’s words in 1 Corinthians 13:4-5 reveal that love “is not self-seeking” and “does not behave indecently.” Love is intimately connected with good manners. Courtesy springs from a heart that wants to honor and strengthen fellow believers rather than demand attention. Such an atmosphere of mutual respect enriches worship and fellowship, making the congregation a refuge of encouragement.
A Witness to Outsiders
Manners also become a silent witness to observers outside the congregation. Peter advised believers to maintain “fine conduct” among non-believers so that their honorable actions would glorify God (1 Peter 2:12). Simple gestures like holding a door for someone, speaking kindly to a cashier, or addressing older ones with respect all reflect the grace of Christ in daily life. Such consistent courtesy dispels the misconception that religion is merely about words. Instead, it shows that biblical principles transform everyday encounters.
When an individual sees that a believer consistently acts with respect and patience, curiosity may arise about what motivates such conduct. Colossians 3:17 instructs believers to do everything “in the name of the Lord Jesus,” implying that even casual interactions can honor his teachings. Manners thus serve as part of a Christian’s testimony, a living demonstration that faith shapes character and practical behavior.
Overcoming Selfish Tendencies
Good manners do not come naturally to everyone. Selfish tendencies can hinder gracious conduct. Even mature Christians sometimes struggle with lapses in politeness when under pressure. Yet Galatians 5:22-23 describes qualities like patience, kindness, and self-control as attributes linked to God’s influence through His Word. By continually reflecting on Scriptural counsel, believers can discipline themselves to respond courteously rather than rudely. This process may involve conscious choices, such as pausing before speaking in frustration or adjusting one’s tone to show empathy.
At times, it requires humility to correct poor manners. Ephesians 4:2 encourages believers to act “with all lowliness of mind and mildness, with longsuffering.” A person who recognizes a habit of interrupting or sarcastic remarks can change by praying for help and applying biblical principles, thereby making consistent efforts to reform speech and mannerisms.
Staying Alert to Cultural Expressions
Manners often intersect with cultural customs, such as addressing people with respectful titles or showing deference to older individuals. While cultures differ, believers can maintain the spirit behind biblical courtesy by studying local expectations and aligning them with scriptural values. Paul became “all things to people of all sorts,” so he might reach them with the message of truth (1 Corinthians 9:22). This did not mean compromising Christian morals, but it did involve sensitivity to how one’s manners affect others.
Being aware of cultural norms can provide opportunities to display thoughtfulness. For instance, greeting someone in a way that acknowledges local tradition can open doors to meaningful conversations. By showing respect for customs that do not conflict with biblical teachings, believers underscore the warmth and adaptability encouraged in Romans 12:10, which exhorts Christians to “show honor to one another.” Manners thus become a practical application of loving one’s neighbor, transcending personal preferences.
Conclusion
Manners extend well beyond social expectations. They tie into the fundamental scriptural mandate to show kindness, humility, and respect. Jesus’ example radiates this principle, whether through his gentle dealings with children or considerate conversations with individuals from different backgrounds. The Bible affirms that true worship involves honoring God not only in formal religious acts but also in day-to-day conduct. By choosing courteous words, gestures of kindness, and a respectful disposition, Christians mirror the character of Christ and uphold a positive witness.
Treating others with dignity offers a tangible demonstration that love is not just a concept but a reality displayed through one’s manner of living. Amid changing social norms, the timeless counsels of Scripture encourage every believer to maintain gracious behavior. Manners do indeed matter, as they guard against needless conflict, uplift congregational unity, and bear testimony to the transformative power of the Word of God. In every interaction, believers have the privilege of reflecting the excellence that comes from following the teachings of the Lord Jesus.
About the Author
EDWARD D. ANDREWS (AS in Criminal Justice, BS in Religion, MA in Biblical Studies, and MDiv in Theology) is CEO and President of Christian Publishing House. He has authored over 220 books. In addition, Andrews is the Chief Translator of the Updated American Standard Version (UASV).
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