Every young person has experienced the sinking feeling of saying something they immediately regret. Whether it’s an impulsive comment, an awkward remark, or a hurtful word spoken in frustration, the struggle to control one’s tongue is a challenge many face. The Bible speaks extensively about the power of words, warning against reckless speech while also providing wisdom for developing godly communication. Instead of feeling trapped in a cycle of saying the wrong thing, a young Christian can learn how to cultivate a heart and mind that reflect the wisdom and love of God.
The Power of Words in Scripture
The Bible teaches that words have significant power. Proverbs 18:21 states, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” Words can build others up or tear them down, encourage or discourage, bring peace or stir conflict. Because speech is so influential, God calls His people to be careful and wise in how they speak.
James 3:5-6 describes the tongue as a small part of the body but capable of great destruction: “So too, though the tongue is a small part of the body, it boasts great things. Consider how a small fire sets ablaze a large forest. And the tongue is a fire. The tongue, a world of unrighteousness, is placed among our members. It stains the whole body, sets the course of life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.” This passage warns against uncontrolled speech, showing how words spoken without thought or restraint can cause damage not only to others but to the speaker as well.
The challenge of saying the wrong thing is not just about external behavior; it is a reflection of what is in the heart. Jesus taught in Matthew 12:34, “For the mouth speaks from the overflow of the heart.” This means that speech problems are ultimately heart problems. If a person consistently speaks out of anger, insecurity, pride, or foolishness, it indicates that their heart needs transformation. Instead of merely trying to control one’s speech, a young Christian should focus on allowing God’s Word to shape their thoughts and attitudes.
Why Do I Keep Saying the Wrong Thing?
One of the reasons young people struggle with saying the wrong thing is impulsiveness. Proverbs 29:20 warns, “Do you see someone who speaks too soon? There is more hope for a fool than for him.” Speaking without thinking often leads to embarrassment or harm. The Bible encourages wisdom and restraint, teaching believers to listen before speaking. James 1:19 instructs, “My dear brothers and sisters, understand this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger.” Developing the habit of thinking before speaking helps prevent careless words.
Another common issue is peer pressure. Many young people say things to impress others, fit in, or avoid ridicule. Proverbs 13:20 warns, “The one who walks with the wise will become wise, but a companion of fools will suffer harm.” Surrounding oneself with godly friends who encourage wise speech can help reduce the tendency to speak foolishly. If a young Christian finds themselves constantly saying the wrong things because of their company, they should reevaluate their friendships and seek companions who reflect biblical values.
Emotional struggles also play a role in careless speech. When someone is anxious, frustrated, or feeling insecure, they are more likely to say things they later regret. Proverbs 15:28 teaches, “The mind of the righteous person thinks before answering, but the mouth of the wicked blurts out evil things.” Rather than speaking out of emotion, a Christian should develop self-control and rely on God’s wisdom. Practicing patience, taking time before responding, and praying for guidance can help prevent regretful words.
Pride and arrogance are additional reasons why people struggle with saying the wrong thing. Proverbs 16:18 warns, “Pride comes before destruction, and an arrogant spirit before a fall.” Some individuals speak hastily because they assume they know everything or because they want to dominate conversations. However, the Bible calls believers to humility, as seen in Philippians 2:3: “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility consider others as more important than yourselves.” A humble attitude leads to careful speech and a greater awareness of how words affect others.
How Can I Change My Speech?
The first step to improving speech is seeking God’s help. Psalm 141:3 is a powerful prayer: “Lord, set up a guard for my mouth; keep watch at the door of my lips.” A young Christian who struggles with saying the wrong things should regularly pray for wisdom, self-control, and discernment in speech.
Filling the mind with God’s Word is also crucial. Colossians 3:16 states, “Let the word of Christ dwell richly among you, in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another with psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts.” When a believer immerses themselves in Scripture, their speech naturally reflects biblical truth rather than foolishness or sin.
Another important practice is learning to be silent when necessary. Proverbs 17:28 states, “Even a fool is considered wise when he keeps silent—discerning, when he seals his lips.” There are times when the best response is no response. By developing the discipline of silence, a Christian can avoid unnecessary conflicts and prevent themselves from speaking in haste.
Choosing words carefully is another key principle. Proverbs 15:1 states, “A gentle answer turns away anger, but a harsh word stirs up wrath.” Instead of reacting emotionally, a Christian should strive to speak with gentleness, kindness, and self-control. Thinking about whether a comment is true, necessary, and helpful before speaking can prevent regret.
Surrounding oneself with wise and godly influences also plays a crucial role in changing speech habits. Proverbs 27:17 states, “Iron sharpens iron, and one person sharpens another.” Being around mature believers who model wise speech helps reinforce good communication habits. Seeking mentorship from older Christians, pastors, or parents can provide accountability and encouragement.
Conclusion
Saying the wrong thing is a common struggle, but it is not an unchangeable problem. By seeking God’s wisdom, practicing self-control, and surrounding oneself with godly influences, a young Christian can grow in their ability to speak with wisdom and grace. Words reflect the heart, and as a believer allows God’s Word to transform their heart, their speech will also change.
Proverbs 21:23 gives this final encouragement: “The one who guards his mouth and tongue keeps himself out of trouble.” Rather than being discouraged by past mistakes, a young Christian should focus on learning, growing, and relying on God’s strength to develop godly speech. Through prayer, Scripture, and intentional effort, they can learn to speak in a way that honors God and edifies others.
About the Author
EDWARD D. ANDREWS (AS in Criminal Justice, BS in Religion, MA in Biblical Studies, and MDiv in Theology) is CEO and President of Christian Publishing House. He has authored over 220 books. In addition, Andrews is the Chief Translator of the Updated American Standard Version (UASV).
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